Have a Holly Jolly Christmas Review Batch: Christmas Story, Christmas with the Kranks, Elf, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Klaus, Love Actually, Noelle, Prancer
Season's greetings! It's that time of the year again...even if it's hard to be especially jolly right now. Because of...well, you know. But let's soldier on anyway, 'kay? Back in October, I rolled out thirteen days of scary movies for Halloween, noting that no holiday has more movie-themed options simply by virtue of an entire…
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Cinecaps Digest
Season’s greetings! It’s that time of the year again…even if it’s hard to be especially jolly right now. Because of…well, you know. But let’s soldier on anyway, ‘kay?

Back in October, I rolled out thirteen days of scary movies for Halloween, noting that no holiday has more movie-themed options simply by virtue of an entire genre (horror) being suitable. Well, in not-too-distant second place would have to be Christmas, which may not have very many true “classics,” but it sure does have a massive, festering pile of mediocrity and formula junk to call its own, a large percentage of which comes from the likes of Hallmark and Lifetime (and, in recent years, Netflix, too). I haven’t seen nearly any of those movies because, well, if you’ve seen one, you’ve pretty much seen them all. They’re practically written by AI at this point; seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them were being penned by a computer app. But fear not: I’m not going to review (or ever even watch) their likes today or at any point in the future.

The next four days are going to be devoted to holiday flicks. Today, it’s the more contemporary yuletide offerings (as in, seasonal-themed movies that were released during my lifetime of almost 40 years, most of them in this century); see also reviews of two lousy movies previously posted on the site: Last Christmas and The Polar Express. Some of these flicks may inspire nostalgia—one of them definitely does—and at least one other isn’t even family-friendly, but this lot below is, by and large, meant to be of a new tradition. Instead of cuddling up by the fire and roasting chestnuts—seriously, does anyone know anyone who used to do this?—you can choose to gather with friends and families for a couple hours of breezy, cheerful cinematic entertainment.* Let’s begin.

*Entertainment not guaranteed: Like the two pictures linked above, a few of the movies to come deserve nothing but coal in their stockings.

See also: Merry #%&@ing Christmas, Grading the Franchise: Home Alone, Pure As Snow Perennials

A Christmas Story (1983)

Directed by Bob Clark. Starring Peter Billingsley, Melinda Dillon, Darren McGavin, Ian Petrella, Scott Schwartz, R. D. Robb, Zack Ward, Yano Anaya, Tedde Moore, (voice) Jean Shepherd. [PG]

Humorist Jean Shepherd’s anecdotal yarns from his book “In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash” are assembled into a shaggy narrative set around the holidays that focuses primarily on little Ralphie Parker (Billingsley) and his dreams of getting the one gift this year he really wants: a Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot range model air rifle (“You’ll shoot your eye out, kid”). A series of hit-or-miss vignettes, soaked in nostalgia, some of them very funny while others simply wheeze, too indebted to homespun exaggeration or tired sitcom whimsy to really work. There’s a welcome sordid streak on hand to keep things from getting too cutesy, and the main actors leave vivid impressions, though Shepherd’s narration grates at length (both the language and vocal cadence). Didn’t leave much of an impression upon audiences during its initial release, but has since gained a significant and fervent following; part of its success is actually owed to one of its flaws—there’s too little here to sustain a feature-length film, but for folks around the holidays who want to half-watch or tune in and out of a little “background entertainment,” it works a lot better (especially with the big laughs memorized and more easily anticipated). Followed by two largely unrelated sequels: It Runs in the Family (which went to theaters) and A Christmas Story 2 (which did not).

65/100

Christmas with the Kranks (2004)

Directed by Joe Roth. Starring Tim Allen, Jamie Lee Curtis, M. Emmet Walsh, Dan Aykroyd, Julie Gonzalo, Cheech Marin, Jake Busey, Kevin Chamberlin, Elizabeth Franz, Austin Pendleton, Mark Christopher Lawrence, Erik Per Sullivan, Joe Guzaldo, Felicity Huffman. [PG]

With their daughter away for the holidays serving with the Peace Corps, suburbanites Allen and Curtis decide to forgo a flashy Christmas celebration this year and put the money towards a Caribbean cruise—a perfectly reasonable thing to do that’s no one’s business but their own, right? But what should have been a (pointless) five-minute short film gets stretched out to feature length when all of their deranged, impudent neighbors and friends harass them relentlessly about their decision—how dare they skip Christmas!? Abhorrent, hateful holiday comedy with a lousy message of conformity and lousier filmmaking instincts in blowing up every coarse, obnoxious moment like it’s the punchline or pratfall that’s going to sell the trailer. Dumb and mean-spirited, the so-called jokes land with a heavy thud left and right—someone couldn’t try to write gags that are this bad—and some of them seem designed just to make the characters look psychotic. An ill-considered insertion of pathos through a cancer diagnosis and a late-game subplot involving a burglar do nothing besides pad out this wretched thing. The cast deserves better, but one presumes they saw a script before signing on, so…karma? Based, believe it or not, off a book by John Grisham (“Skipping Christmas”).

4/100

Elf (2003)

Directed by Jon Favreau. Starring Will Ferrell, James Caan, Zooey Deschanel, Mary Steenburgen, Bob Newhart, Daniel Tay, Ed Asner, Faizon Love, Michael Lerner, Peter Dinklage, Amy Sedaris, Andy Richter, Kyle Gass. [PG]

On Christmas Eve many years ago, a little orphan crawled into Santa’s sack of toys and ended up at the North Pole, where he was raised by Papa Elf (Newhart); decades later, that poor sap, Buddy (Ferrell), finally catches wise to the fact that he’s actually a human and goes in search of his real father: a grinchy children’s book publisher in NYC played by Caan. Delightful holiday comedy with a heavy helping of good, gooey cheer nicely undercut by a silly and subversive side that consistently earns real laughs—director Favreau shows a remarkable mastery of tone for just his second feature…until the final act, that is, which leans too hard into the cornball “spirit of Christmas” angle. Before that, however, the pic hardly makes a wrong move, and gives Ferrell a formidable showcase for his disarming comic gifts (even if he does sometimes play it more as a “man-child” than an “elf-among-cynics”). Caan and Newhart both nail different temperatures of deadpan; warmly understated Steenburgen (as Caan’s wife), cute love interest Deschanel, and “angry elf” Dinklage also rate highly, but natural-crank Asner seems an odd choice to play Santa Claus. Spiffy production design at the North Pole, including fantasia exteriors and talking stop-motion creatures that serve as Rankin/Bass homages. Fun voice cameos from the likes of the director (who also has a small part as a doctor), Leon Redbone, and F/X maestro Ray Harryhausen. Later adapted into a Broadway musical.

79/100

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

Directed by Ron Howard. Starring Jim Carrey, Taylor Momsen, Jeffrey Tambor, Christine Baranski, Bill Irwin, Molly Shannon, Mary Stein, Clint Howard, (voice) Anthony Hopkins. [PG]

Dr. Seuss’ children’s book of a hairy, green, mean-spirited monster with a pot-belly who tries to ruin Christmas for the gentle folk of Whoville makes for one bloated, hideously-misguided, and neuralgia-inciting live-action feature. Carrey certainly exhausts himself playing that “mean one, Mr. Grinch,” with a voice that often sounds like Tony Clifton (who he had just played in Man on the Moon) attempting a bad Sean Connery impersonation, but like the movie itself, he’s so loud, abrasive, and undisciplined that it’s best to just take cover and pray for it to end. One bad decision after another, from the erratic camera movements to the murky and unwieldy production design, the self-defeating story expansion (giving the Grinch not just a back story, but also a love interest!) to the inexplicable decision to make most of the Whos almost as appalling as their adversary (if not even more so)—narcissism and ethnocentrism and materialism run amok. Then there’s the decision to soil the tone of the source material by inserting puerile “gags” like the Grinch landing face-first in a woman’s cleavage or shaking mistletoe over his rear end (no one puckers up, of course; a close encounter between the mayor (Tambor) and the hindquarters of the Grinch’s dog, Max, on the other hand…). All but guaranteed to make those who admire the Seuss book and the classic television program feel at least a little grinchy afterwards. Won an Academy Award for its makeup effects, but even those are uneven: the Grinch looks terrific, but the Whos look…unsettling. Sometimes known as Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas, but that kind of sacrilege is unsuitable for the spirit of the holiday season.

19/100

Klaus (2019)

Directed by Sergio Pablos. Starring (voices) Jason Schwartzman, Rashida Jones, J. K. Simmons, Norm Macdonald, Joan Cusack, Will Sasso, Neda Margrethe. [PG]

The spoiled, self-absorbed son (Schwartzman) of the postmaster general is sent to the distant island village of Smeerensburg to establish a mail route—fail, and he’ll be cut off from his family’s wealth. The town is a bleak and hostile place, stemming from an age-old feud between two families, but the grim mood starts to turn toward cheer after the new postman befriends a reclusive toymaker (Simmons), and they start delivering toys to children who send letters. Don’t be fooled by the glib “Santa Claus origin story” summary—it’s much richer, funnier, and more moving than such a description suggests. The idiosyncratic humor can catch you off guard, and its poignancy is genuinely affecting, but what makes this a particularly sublime treat is the strikingly distinctive animation style. The final act goes through the motions as far as the plot is concerned, with the climactic clash undone by weak villainous motivation for the heads of the feuding families, but the pic is otherwise quite special, and a worthy addition to the (sadly short) list of contemporary holiday films that can be embraced by the whole family. First feature film from the Netflix Animation studio; it swept the Annie Awards with seven wins, including Best Animated Feature.

80/100

Love Actually (2003)

Directed by Richard Curtis. Starring Hugh Grant, Alan Rickman, Emma Thompson, Laura Linney, Colin Firth, Liam Neeson, Bill Nighy, Andrew Lincoln, Martine McCutcheon, Keira Knightley, Lúcia Moniz, Heike Makatsch, Kris Marshall, Martin Freeman, Joanna Page, Rodrigo Santoro, Gregor Fisher, Abdul Salis, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Thomas Sangster, Billy Bob Thornton. [R]

Or not, actually. Because even though this mosaic of romance among Londoners during the Christmas holiday is self-aware as being a light, loopy fantasy, it’s astonishingly naïve about “love” beyond the fact that it can be messy and illogical, and worse, it doesn’t even know how to deliver what it promises when it comes to (reasonable) happily ever after. One obligatory cliché after another with hardly a speck of internal logic, befuddled by inconsequential connections and a curious air of misogyny hanging over the whole tangled affair (not only are the boys “in the driver’s seat” in nearly every segment, but their fantasies often go fulfilled while the ladies either suffer the crash of reality or just simply wait around for things to happen to them). Hard to say which storyline is the weakest, but the one where Marshall flies to America to use his “foreigner flavor” to get some action is so head-slappingly stupid and preposterous that it must be assumed that nearly the entire thing is a hallucination/dream or a lie, right? (Apparently, it’s neither). The pic’s unabashed sentiment has earned it plenty of fans, but even the less-discriminating hopeless romantics among us deserve smarter writing and less forced cheekiness and poignancy (and a much better soundtrack, one that’s absent all those cloying pop numbers and Craig Armstrong’s unbearably high-handed orchestral swells). Screenwriter Curtis’ directorial debut. Since the cast wasn’t already overloaded enough, there are also several cameos, including Rowan Atkinson, Elisha Cuthbert, January Jones, Denise Richards, Claudia Schiffer, Sienna Guillory, and Shannon Elizabeth.

35/100

Noelle (2019)

Directed by Marc Lawrence. Starring Anna Kendrick, Bill Hader, Kingsley Ben-Adir, Shirley MacLaine, Billy Eichner, Julie Hagerty, Jay Brazeau, Diana Maria Riva, Michael Gross, Maceo Smedley, Ron Funches. [G]

Santa Claus has died (offscreen, don’t worry), leaving his uncertain son Nick (Hader) in line to take over, even though sister Noelle (Kendrick) seems better suited for the role (pun not intended). Mild, genteel Christmas flick for the whole family, provided they’re an undiscriminating bunch; its progressive politics are old hat and obvious by now, and it takes too long to arrive at the inevitable “breakthrough.” Sentimental soup as the moment may be, the pic hits its thematic and emotional peak at a false climax…and then keeps going for another fifteen minutes. Perky, ingenuous Kendrick is easy to take, but Hader isn’t employed to his strengths, and MacLaine gets almost nothing to do as a faintly sardonic and disinterested elf. Also of note: CGI or not, that baby reindeer Snowcone is friggin’ adorable. Eagle-eyed viewers can spot a couple of Mickey Mouse “cameos” in this Disney+ release.

50/100

Prancer (1989)

Directed by John Hancock. Starring Rebecca Harrell, Sam Elliott, Cloris Leachman, Abe Vigoda, Rutyana Alda, Ariana Richards, Michael Constantine, John Joseph Duda, Mark Rolston, Johnny Galecki, Walter Charles. [G]

Young Harrell, whose widower father Elliott is struggling to stay afloat, is dealing with a crisis of faith when she discovers an injured reindeer and tries nursing it back to health, convinced that it’s actually the Prancer from Santa’s reindeer team. What could have been trite, sappy and cutesy turns out to be a surprisingly restrained and contemplative fable, heartwarming and ultimately cheerful, but grounded by the rural grit of the setting and the cold gloom of Misha Suslov’s photography. Not quite magical—indeed, its “magic” moments are a touch too corny—but still a subdued success as a family film for holiday viewing, featuring a clever and plucky young heroine well-played by Harrell, and a reliably gruff but soulful turn from Elliott. Followed by a direct-to-video sequel, Prancer Returns. A young Jesse Bradford has a bit part.

69/100

Check back in tomorrow for the next batch of holiday movies!