Alas Ma Think Not Altitude!
THE SEMI-OFFICIAL MATHNET EPISODE GUIDE

Original Idea by: Bill Hatfield

Compiled by: Jill M. Sheehan, Jonathan Browning, Cathy and Amanda Blatz.

Final Editing/Typing/HMTL Conversion by: Jill M. Sheehan

Current Revisions Made by Jason Elliot Benda.

NOTE: Some episodes have more details than others; if you'd like to submit more info about the shorter ones, feel free, so we can make this a more comprehensive Episode Guide. Also, be sure to watch the starred * 'Editor's Choice' episodes!

NOTICE: This is about to undergo some long overdue major format/content changes, so check back often! Anyone wanna help by submitting new summaries of the eps? I'll even credit you for your contribution! Thanks!

Season 1 / Season 2 / Season 3 / Season 4/ Season 5 / Episode Totals

Season 1: (Original)

The Problem of the Missing Baseball (Pilot Episode):Welcome to the world of Mathnet! Howie loses his dad's autographed baseball inside Mrs. MacGregor's house ('This house is NOT for sale!'), and then the house is stolen! And he'll be in hot water if he can't find it... Of course, the Mathnetters save the day by locating the house in its 'new' neighborhood, with the ball right in the fireplace, where it had been all along.

The Problem of the Missing Monkey (AKA The Case of the Absent Ape): Grunt the gorilla runs away from the zoo and his friend Jane Rice-Burroughs helps Kate & George find him. Finally found climbing the Hollywood sign, the threesome have quite a time getting Grunt back to where he belongs.

The Problem of the Passing Parade: Steve Stringbean is kidnapped and his pal Rimshot helps Kate & George look for him. "Please do what these people say..." Ba dum bum man! A highly musical episode with lots of teasers...George insisted he HAD to get an autograph for Martha, but never actually does.

The Trial of George Frankly*: George Earnest Frankly is accused of robbing the Next to the Last National Bank! The hysterical episode with 'The Brothers Karamozov...or was it Karomozof?" And, let's not forget the court scene where George comes running in with those heart boxers on...then revealing the true criminals.

The Problem of the Dirty Money: Norman Mailbag steals dump truck loads of dirt because he's trying to find the money he helped steal many years ago (and Kate and George dress up as cook & counterman).

The Mystery of the Maltese Pigeon: Maureen O'Reilly's Maltese Pigeon is stolen...(or is it??) and George is smitten... and Kate keeps rolling her eyes. Finding the Pigeon in the freezer found Maureen as their criminal, and then the Pigeon was returned to its rightful owner, a young man from Malta.

The Problem of the Trojan Hamburger:The Despair Diamond is stolen at the same time a mysteriously large oak hamburger is found in Orson Charles Kane's yard...ROSEBUD! A bizarre clown (among other occupations), Hans Balpeen, is found to have stolen it; that is, when Kate & George discover the jewel placed in a coffee cup during a 'magic trick'.

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Season 2:

The Case of the Willing Parrot*:Little Louie the parrot is kidnapped from the house he just inherited from his former owner, Roscoe "Fatty" Tissue. Walter Trepling, his guardian, finds things to be a little spooky at the manor, and asks the Mathnetters to help. "1, 1, 2, 3, 5...Eureka!"

The Case of the Great Car Robbery:Lots of cars are being stolen and not being sold anywhere! Turns out they're being towed by so-called 'Police-marked Tow Trucks' to be impounded. We find our heroes to be helping a young girl, Li So ("It ain't necessary, Li So.."), in finding her mothers towed-away car. And who can forget, "Art Fraud. Art Fraud Motors!" Also, Kate teaches George to dance.

The Case of the Deceptive Data: "When you're surrounded by creeps and liars, get out your decoder and call Mike Pliers!" His show is cancelled...but it's all a plot by the evil head of the Hoover Ratings system...AKA Vicious Vinnie. Using information taken from Hoover Ratings families, the 'Netters learn the data boxes were tampered with, and also the ratings that brought Pliers show to an end...almost.

The View from the Rear Terrace*: Kate is laid up with a bum knee - but her neighbor (Mr. Cuckoo) is building bombs and George doesn't believe her! Meanwhile, George has to solve a case on his own, involving bank pranks and strange poems, with some occasional help from the very bored Kate. Mr. Cuckoo plotted the whole thing, with intentions to do in Kate as well. Luckily, George arrives in the right places at the right time, and saves Kate from her possible demise. The most suspenseful ending in the history of Mathnet!

The Case of the Missing Air: Stores are being robbed by a guy who talks like a duck. Turns out to be controversial talk-radio host Byle Dupe (of K-YUCH), who gets nabbed in the act.

The Case of the Map with a Gap (AKA The Map with a Gap)*:Kate and George help Bronco Guillermo Gomez find the treasure of Mulch Gulch. (And George plays the Ukulele!) Of course, they had to ride on horseback (and muleback for George) to get there. Lots of triangulation's, and diggings, are made, which helps them finally locate the treasure, though not without trouble from a crabby old desert 'fox' who tries to scare them away.

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Season 3:

The Case of the Ersatz Earthquake*: Sybil Divine, the fake swami, says she can predict the next earthquake and almost bilks Mayor Quail out of a whole bunch of bucks! Features the immortal scene in which George uses Kate's hamburger to demonstrate earthquakes. At the end, Kate and George are inexplicably loaned to the NYPD. (Also, Kate's hair is WAY too big. But it was the 80's, after all!)

The Case of the Swami Scam*:First New York Case! (Thankfully, Kate's hair has smoothed down.) Another fake swami is cheating rich people (retired lawyers) out of their money by claiming he can predict who will win various events. Finally they catch him at the home of Elvira Elmira. (George dresses up like a woman...classic!) They also go see a rotten play and George wears a cape. Swami River, son of Old Man River, is discovered to be the crook behind the clever scheme.

The Case of the Parking Meter Massacre: A two-in-one episode: Kate and George chase both a parking meter thief and a man in a blue van who robbed George's apartment. The first case in Mathnet history solved before Friday, the 'Netters uncover photocopier Peter Pickwick plotting to sell secondhand parking meters by mail. Then, due to some false publicity George spread about his stolen laundry money, the man in the blue van leaves clues all over Manhattan. Kate makes an uncharacteristic mistake, utters an uncharacteristic interjection, and is left alone with only a basket of laundry and an improvised New York accent (in only her second week in New York) to confront the axe-wielding apartment robber.

The Case of the Unkidnapping*:THE EVE ONE! One of our personal favorites. Kate's old pal Eve Adams is involved in the alleged kidnapping of Broadway vet Lauren Bacchanal! Has-been hi-jacked by would-be! Of course it all turns out OK and they even sing a VERY good parody of "Anything Goes." Most likely the finest work done in the history of the show.

The Case of the Strategic Weather Initiative: This dork, Spiro Gearloose, ("No thanks, Mom!"), makes a weather plane and someone tries to steal it. A rather ridiculous episode that pokes fun at the American Government (like Colonel South and such) except when they're being the potentate and the potentatette (and the teaser when George is wearing his slicker). "Spiro Gearloose has a gear loose!"

The Case of the Masked Avenger: The Masked Avenger, a professional wrestler, is threatened! His annoying daughter is the Mathnetters contact. Kate reveals herself to be a rabid wrestlin' fan. "I like to keep, current..." And in the end, George dresses up like the Avenger, nearly getting his...butt kicked!

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Season 4: (Pat's first season)

The Case of the Unnatural:George has a new partner, and just in time, too. Roy "Lefty" Cobbs doesn't seem to be himself lately. His number sequences don't make any sense, and Babs Bengal, his friend, is concerned. An unusual case involving robotics, baseball and George at Home Plate.

Despair in Monterey Bay (AKA Treasure in Monterey Bay)*: The Despair Diamond comes back into the fold, this time on display in Monterey. Archie Leach, an international playboy, is feared to steal the gem, and the Mathnetters have to stop him. They'll do anything, including SCUBA diving! A very funny episode with tie-ins to many of John Steinbeck's literary works, as well as 'The Thin Man' by Dashiell Hammett.

The Calpurnian Kugel Caper:King Family Christmas Special III, or "Chris" as he is known, has been put in charge of his country, Calpurnia. The wannabe game show host has come to New York to negotiate the sale of Chuckberries, his nation's sole industry, and the FBI enlists the 'Netters to aid and protect him (as well as, in what one fan called "the most annoying and depressing moment in Mathnet history", giving him a tour of Lower Manhattan). There's reason the FBI is concerned, as false stories (or, more accurately, stories with statistical sampling problems) threaten to doom the country's economy. When a chance game exposes phony Calpurnian money (or a statistical longshot nearly big enough to make George faint), the finance minister becomes a suspect. In the end, the same game of chance foils the plot to doom Calpurnia in one final showdown between the true enemy and ... Ethel Merman?

The Case of the Galling Stones*: Pat Tuesday is in BIG trouble. She's been accused of a crime she didn't commit- stealing Hestor Phestor's dodecahedron bracelet and the Bile Emerald. Little did anyone know it was a setup all along...and being in the wrong place at the wrong time. "Bad dog, Mad Dog!"

The Case of the Poconos Paradise: A new and very bizarre case is given to our brave Mathnetters. Groups of weird behaving upper-class people are being robbed during weekends which they all go to, particularly one at the 'Poconos Paradise', among others. Someone, I.O. Privacy of the Bayonne CAR-RT.-SORT, to be exact, knows information about them that sets them up for these crimes. Of course, once the Mathnetters catch on, I.O. doesn't stand much of a chance, thanks to a stakeout and a slipping of info. from 'Invasion Of'. Also, the 'Netters make the transition of information from file folders to computers. "Poke your nose? No. G Gordon and I never fight..."

The Case of the Purloined Policies: Stanley Swinnin, a journalism student of Benny's, arrives at HQ to learn more about problem solving and Mathnet. While there, his bike, meant to be entered in a trick-riding competition, disappears (with George's dart stuck in the tire). The sponsor of the competition, Meglopolitan Insurance, is losing money on claims for stolen automobiles, which turn out never to be recovered because the cars never existed. Johnny Dollar, a fast-talking investigator from Meglopolitan's Greenwich Village office, surfaces as the prime suspect when Captain Grecco matches Dollar's handwriting with the endorsements on all the claimants' checks. The scheme seems to come to an end when Dollar drowns with his cat Sheeba after making a U-turn in a rainstorm while on the phone with Pat. All ends well for the 'Netters when George's allergy to cats unmasks Dollar dressed as his mother while a guilt-ridden Pat tried to hand him his final check.

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Season 5: (Final)

The Case of the Mystery Weekend*:George (Sherlock Condo) was supposed to go on a Mystery Weekend with Martha, but Pat (Dr. Whatsit, with much shorter hair) ends up going in her place at the last minute. A wrong turn takes the duo to 'Wit's End', a crazy place where 'Justice Will be Done', if Peeved the Butler gets his way. Lots of patterns and puzzles help the 'Netters out, with a suspenseful ending. "I'm a little ticked off myself..."

The Case of the Smart Dummy:Lolly the dummy is missing! Apparently switched with a case of funny money, Edgar Bergman and Charlie McSchtick turn to Mathnet for help in locating the missing suitcase. And, they need Lolly back before the upcoming ASFAS awards (the show that gives awards to shows that give awards to shows that get awards). Lots of confusion and a comatose Edgar make the case twice as baffling, especially since the 'dummy' does all the talking.

The Case: Offthe Record: Just another day at Mathnet...or is it? Pat arrives at HQ noticing George has a new animal friend on his desk. A gerbil! Turns out George traded the runt, 'George Junior', for Martha's cat. Another surprise turns out to be a video Martha recorded of Pat and George singing a Math song at a party, which is quite clever. But that's nothing compared to their new case. The music business seems to be kinda shady these days, as the Mathnetters learn from Carol Devilbis, a fellow Mathnet U graduate. Carol's company, Offthe Record, has been producing hits, but since the arrival of Morris Norris, a statistics wizard, took over, things seem to be a bit unusual. We find our pals to be going undercover as the 'Googols' as part of the investigation, which in the end helps them crack down on the criminal they suspected all along. And who can forget the cleverly written song 'Don't Leave, Just Stay, I'll Go' AKA 'Without Math'!

The Case of the Bermuda Triangle: After discussing the importance of Math on a talk show, 'Donawhy', the Mathnetters receive a strange call from a young girl, Gertrude Ebbtide, involving another story featured on the show with the Bermuda Triangle. Turns out a man, Phillip Francis Bogie Queeg, has started a hoax that Trudy's Great (to the 4th power) Grandfather's ship, the H.M.S. Twain, had sailed on. Apparently the ship had been sunk, and Queeg wants the bootie on board it. He swindles Trudy and the Mathnetters into the case, taking them to Bermuda and into the Triangle, where he scares them away from it. While in Bermuda (in their Bermuda Shorts), they learn more about the ship and treasure from a pirate, but of course Queeg will do anything to stop them from ever finding it. In the end, Queeg leaves town to pursue other scams, but Donawhy had a few tricks up his sleeves...posing as Queeg. When the 'Netters locate where the treasure should be, 'Queeg' catches up with them, nearly sending George to his doom. Everything turns out triumphant when Captain Grecco and gang show up to nail the fake 'Queeg', while George meanwhile located the sunken treasure!

The Case of the Piggy Banker: Emmie Kelly, a young friend of Pat's, comes into the office begging the Mathnetters for help. Apparently, her father, Emit, who also does clowning on the side, is in trouble at the bank where he works. Allegedly he had embezzled money from the ATM (Automatic Teller Machine), and Simon Legume, head honcho at the bank, wants him arrested. This upsets everyone quite a bit, so the Mathnetters got right on it. Someone reported to have seen a clown hanging around the ATM, and afterwards money was said to have disappeared. Little did anyone think Legume would be responsible, until they noticed his obvious nervousness about the whole thing. When the crimefighters go undercover, they learn that Simon was the one who dressed like Emit, which gets him into very big trouble, and rightfully so. This great show closes with a cheesy Birthday party given at Mathnet HQ, which seems like a freaky final 'tribute' to the show that launched a thousand minds. The writers, however, didn't know this was to be the last episode of Mathnet (or Square One for that matter).

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TOTAL NUMBER OF EPISODES: 30

TOTAL IN LOS ANGELES: 14

TOTAL IN NEW YORK: 16

TOTAL WITH KATE MONDAY: 19

TOTAL WITH PAT TUESDAY:11

TOTAL WITH GEORGE FRANKLY: ALL OF THEM!

Thank you to everyone who helped with this! It couldn't have been done without your support!And thanks to all you dedicated fans out there; this show never would have happened if not for us. I know the writers, actors, directors, producers, and everyone else involved in the show's production would be thrilled.

Copyright 1996-2002. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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The Unofficial Mathnet Episode Guide can be found at this Internet address:

'http://www.jillthepill.net/mathnet/wo04000.htm'

And via E-mail: mathnetgirl@seanet.com

Or at the Internet News Group: 'alt.tv.mathnet'

'May the Math be with You!

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