Artie Lange’s Beer League
Neil Genzlinger
Artie Lange, Howard Stern’s radio sidekick, somehow manages to make beer-league softball seem no fun at all in this extremely lowbrow comedy.
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“Artie Lange’s Beer League” comes close to being that rare film that is perfectly bad — i.e., that has not a shred of social, entertainment or even curiosity value. But it misses out on this dubious honor by having one tiny redeeming attribute: it answers the question “Whatever happened to Edgar Stiles?”

Edgar was a much-beloved character on the television show “24” but was killed off last season. He, or at least the actor who played him, Louis Lombardi, turns up briefly here as a police chief. Alas, the Chief Formerly Known as Edgar does not do himself proud: he imposes the conditions on two brawling softball teams that allow this wretched movie to continue for another hour. If only he had called in Kiefer Sutherland and had him break the neck of everyone involved.

Mr. Lange, who is best known from “Mad TV” and as Howard Stern’s radio sidekick, leads one of those teams, a bunch of slow-pitch sloths who play halfheartedly and, often, half drunk. A slimy egomaniac named Manganelli (Anthony De Sando) leads the Lange team’s archrivals, and when the two squads get into their usual fight early in the season, the police chief lays down the law: whichever team wins the league this season can stay; the loser has to disband or find some other town to play in.

A few side plots are thrown in, like the impending marriage of one player, which provides the excuse for a bachelor party full of topless women. Mary Birdsong, as a waitress named Rhonda, is amusing, but no one else is, thanks largely to the writing by Mr. Lange and Frank Sebastiano, whose idea of a good running joke includes herpes, not to mention mental retardation.

Somehow this film, set in New Jersey, makes the Garden State, beer-league softball, bachelor parties and even sex seem much less fun than they actually are. Sure, it’s a deliberately lowbrow movie, but even the lowest brows like to have their intelligence flattered now and again.

“Artie Lange’s Beer League” is rated R (Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian). It has very foul language, drug and alcohol abuse and nudity.

ARTIE LANGE’S BEER LEAGUE

Opened yesterday in New York, New Jersey, Cleveland and Philadelphia.

Directed by Frank Sebastiano; written by Mr. Sebastiano and Artie Lange; director of photography, David Phillips; edited by Peter Fandetti; music by B C Smith; production designer, Kelly McGehee; produced by Mr. Lange and Anthony Mastromauro; released by Echo Bridge Entertainment.

WITH: Artie Lange (Artie), Ralph Macchio (Maz), Anthony De Sando (Manganelli), Cara Buono (Linda), Jimmy Palumbo (Johnny) and Joe Lo Truglio (Dave).