Justina Kamiel Grayman, PhD on LinkedIn: Why We Feel Disconnected & Not Seen & How To Emerge: Deep Connection Is…
Justina Kamiel Grayman, PhD
Why We Feel Disconnected &amp; Not Seen &amp; How to Emerge: Deep Connection Is Only Possible When We Are Made Visible


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The fear of being alone is often paralyzing and blocks our evolution on all levels: professional, spiritual, emotional, and psychological. In consultation, many confess that they do not end toxic relationships they have lived in for years because of the fear of being alone. They bring with them the limiting belief that the opposite of freedom is imprisonment, where the opposite of freedom is attachment. Everything we are attached to makes us its prisoners: be it ideas, ideals, people, objects or beliefs. They develop a fear of being alone because they are not comfortable with the idea of having a deep relationship with themselves. They run away from internal confrontation, from interrogation of thoughts, feelings and seek the “magic solution”, mainly that they cannot be held responsible. That's why my first therapeutic recommendation is a weekend, in an immersive place, surrounded by nature, everything that loves us and is good for us, to activate our connection to the whole and our creative strength. Solitude is a great inducer of the creative process and love. In solitude we have the opportunity to experience, feel and reflect Only after a period of true solitary process in love, a recovery of self-love, will I be able to love others and share myself with them without wanting to possess them or depend on them. Attachment to others conditions our innate potential, our personal power and individual development and sense of community. Interaction with others is absolutely essential to human development as long as there is deep work on oneself. By promoting my inner evolution by becoming more aware than those who came before me, and being a little more balanced every day, I become a vehicle of natural evolution. My steps start to inspire those who interact with me. I just need to be who I am. No one wants to be imprisoned and attachment disguised as love is what activates the desire to escape in others. If you want to be surrounded by people who love you and who desire your company, dedicate yourself to the truest exercise of solitude, Discover who you are, Peek into yourself without judgement, Observe your dormant potentials and... remember that no one can bring you sadness or happiness, as this is a choice that only concerns you.

We are all born with a unique spiritual signature, a one-in-an-eight-billion expression of God-consciousness. With love at the core of everything and the freedom and fearlessness to express ourselves with authenticity. That is what authenticity is. Our true essence. An original. Not a copy. Every person on the planet is an original creation with unique talents, unique gifts, unique expressions, unique purpose, unique wants, unique feelings, and unique roles to play in the grand scheme of things in the universe. Everyone, a very intricately designed piece of a shared and universal purpose. The meaning of life is to find our gifts and authenticity. To allow us to unfold one beautiful petal at a time and unravel the gold that lies at the core of us. But as life happens, this process of unfolding rather becomes the process of folding. Folding onto ourselves our upbringing, the ideas slapped onto us, the socialisation, the things that we are told that are acceptable and not about us, the things not true to our essence we have to do to feel loved, wanted, accepted and heard. In effect, we become copies of what people think success is. We were what was unique and was to be moulded by ourselves. But we become putty in the hands of those whose love and protection we crave. One fine day we realise, the original us is covered under the debris of inauthentic expectation and we have become fake. A make-believe version to survive in the world. We have become carbon copies, Ctrl C Ctrl V patchwork of other people’s lives, chameleons who’ve forgotten our own colours. The journey back to unravel our authenticity is the path we are then called to walk on. The path has pit stops full of mirrors where we look at ourselves deeply. For we can only be authentic to the extent of how much we know ourselves, how much we are aware of ourselves. How much we care about ourselves and the roles we play in the universe. Walk the path of self-awareness. It's paved with thorns of suffering and shards of splintered lives. Extract everything that has been denied, rejected, disowned, buried and suppressed into your subconscious. To stop living unreal, inauthentic lives that are a mere copy-paste version of others' lives. + Take the journey of self awareness and unravel your purpose. DM if you are keen to attend any of our upcoming retreats in Mandi in March, Kasauli in April or Andretta in June.

The Deeper Secret: Finding Home in the Land of Nowhere In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, amidst the chaos and noise, there exists a deeper secret waiting to be uncovered. It is a secret that transcends the physical realm, leading us to a place that is both elusive and eternal – the land of nowhere. But what is this land of nowhere, and how do we find our way home to it? To understand this, we must first unravel the layers of illusion that veil our perception of reality. In our modern world, we are conditioned to believe that happiness and fulfillment lie in external achievements – in the accumulation of wealth, status, and possessions. We search endlessly for something to fill the void within us, unaware that the true source of contentment lies not in the material world, but within ourselves. The land of nowhere is not a physical place that can be found on any map. Rather, it is a state of being – a place of inner peace and tranquility that transcends the limitations of time and space. It is the realm of the present moment, where past and future dissolve into insignificance, leaving only the pure essence of existence. To journey to the land of nowhere is to embark on a quest for self-discovery – a journey inward, guided by the light of awareness. It is a journey that requires us to relinquish our attachment to the external world and surrender to the flow of life as it unfolds in the here and now. But the path to nowhere is not always easy. It requires courage to confront the shadows that lurk within us – the fears, insecurities, and doubts that hold us back from realizing our true potential. Yet, it is only by facing these inner demons that we can transcend them, emerging stronger and more resilient than before. In the land of nowhere, there is no need for masks or pretense. We are free to be our authentic selves, unencumbered by the expectations and judgments of others. Here, we find a sense of belonging that transcends the boundaries of race, religion, and nationality – a deep knowing that we are all interconnected, all part of the same cosmic tapestry. So, how do we find our way home to the land of nowhere? The answer lies in cultivating a sense of presence and mindfulness in our daily lives. It means learning to let go of the incessant chatter of the mind and simply be – fully immersed in the richness of each moment. As we journey deeper into the heart of nowhere, we discover that the true home we seek has been within us all along. It is not found in the external trappings of success, but in the quiet depths of our own being. Here, in the land of nowhere, we find solace, peace, and a profound sense of belonging – a home that is eternal, boundless, and infinitely beautiful.

We are all born with a unique spiritual signature, a one-in-an-eight-billion expression of God-consciousness. With love at the core of everything and the freedom and fearlessness to express ourselves with authenticity. That is what authenticity is. Our true essence. An original. Not a copy. Every person on the planet is an original creation with unique talents, unique gifts, unique expressions, unique purpose, unique wants, unique feelings, and unique roles to play in the grand scheme of things in the universe. Everyone, a very intricately designed piece of a shared and universal purpose. The meaning of life is to find our gifts and authenticity. To allow us to unfold one beautiful petal at a time and unravel the gold that lies at the core of us. But as life happens, this process of unfolding rather becomes the process of folding. Folding onto ourselves our upbringing, the ideas slapped onto us, the socialisation, the things that we are told that are acceptable and not about us, the things not true to our essence we have to do to feel loved, wanted, accepted and heard. In effect, we become copies of what people think success is. We were what was unique and was to be moulded by ourselves. But we become putty in the hands of those whose love and protection we crave. One fine day we realise, the original us is covered under the debris of inauthentic expectation and we have become fake. A make-believe version to survive in the world. We have become carbon copies, Ctrl C Ctrl V patchwork of other people’s lives, chameleons who’ve forgotten our own colours. The journey back to unravel our authenticity is the path we are then called to walk on. The path has pit stops full of mirrors where we look at ourselves deeply. For we can only be authentic to the extent of how much we know ourselves, how much we are aware of ourselves. How much we care about ourselves and the roles we play in the universe. Walk the path of self-awareness. It's paved with thorns of suffering and shards of splintered lives. Extract everything that has been denied, rejected, disowned, buried and suppressed into your subconscious. To stop living unreal, inauthentic lives that are a mere copy-paste version of others' lives. + Take the journey of self awareness and unravel your purpose. DM if you are keen to attend any of our upcoming retreats in Mandi in March, Kasauli in April or Andretta in June.

Title: **The Art of Heartfelt Connection: A Symphony of Souls** In the vast tapestry of human relationships, there exists a rare and precious thread that binds individuals at the deepest level—the heart. Connecting at this profound level transcends mere companionship; it weaves a symphony of emotions, resonating with the melody of understanding, empathy, and unwavering support. To forge a connection that reaches the very core of the heart, one must first embrace vulnerability. Opening up one's innermost thoughts and fears lays the foundation for authentic connection, creating a space where souls can intertwine without reservation. It is in this vulnerability that the magic of connection unfolds, as both hearts echo in harmony, forging an unbreakable bond. Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship, but at the heart level, it transforms into a dance of souls. Words become the brushstrokes of emotions, painting a canvas of shared experiences. It's not just about hearing; it's about truly listening—grasping the nuances of unspoken words and decoding the language of the heart. This depth of understanding becomes the bridge that connects hearts even in the silence between spoken sentences. Empathy is the golden key that unlocks the door to profound connection. The ability to feel another's joy, pain, and everything in between creates a sacred space where both individuals can find solace and understanding. It's the silent assurance that in this shared emotional landscape, no one walks alone. As the bond deepens, so does the mutual respect for individual growth. Allowing each other the freedom to evolve and supporting personal aspirations nurtures a connection that withstands the tests of time. It's a commitment to witnessing the beautiful metamorphosis of each other's souls, recognizing that growth enhances rather than diminishes the connection. Signs of a heart-level bond manifest in the subtleties—the shared glances, the unspoken reassurances, and the intuitive understanding that transcends verbal expression. It's in the simple acts of kindness, the genuine laughter, and the comforting presence during times of darkness. A heart-level connection radiates a warmth that lingers in the soul, leaving an indelible mark. To maintain this sacred bond requires a conscious effort to cultivate love, gratitude, and a sense of wonder. Cherishing the small moments, expressing appreciation, and finding joy in shared experiences are the water and sunlight that nourish the roots of a profound connection. It's about standing as pillars of strength for each other, celebrating victories, and finding solace in the shared sanctuary of love. A heart-level connection is the most exquisite thread—one that weaves a story of enduring love, mutual growth, and unwavering companionship. It is a wishful dream fulfilled, a touching reality painted with the strokes of shared laughter, tears, and the timeless dance of two hearts beating as one.

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝: In the museum of your mind, you are the curator, holding the power to carefully select the thoughts, beliefs, and memories that shape your inner world. Here's a reminder that you can decide what gets in, stays, and goes. 1. 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬: Just as a curator carefully chooses artworks to enhance the beauty of an exhibition, you can deliberately choose positive thoughts to brighten your mental landscape. Focus on things that cultivate a mindset that fosters growth. 2. 𝐅𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐍𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬: Identify toxic thoughts or external influences that contribute to self-doubt or fear. You create space for a more uplifting and empowering mental environment by consciously filtering out negativity. 3. 𝐂𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲: Nurture your spiritual side as integral to your mental well-being. Whether through meditation, prayer, or listening to a sermon, fostering spirituality can provide a sense of purpose and inner peace, contributing to a balanced and resilient mind. 4. 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐉𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐌𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: The mind is a treasure trove of memories. As the curator, cherish and preserve the joyful moments. Revisit them often to evoke positive emotions, reinforcing a mindset of happiness and contentment. 5. 𝐋𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐆𝐨 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐬𝐭: Like outdated exhibits, let go of past grievances, regrets, or self-limiting beliefs. Keep yourself fresh by embracing the present and future with an open mind. Remember, your mind is your sanctuary, and you hold the curator's brush to create a mental masterpiece reflecting the life you aspire to lead. "𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘥, 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥, 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘪𝘵." - Prov. 4:23 "𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯." - Arnold Bennett Dr. Fred Toke #drtokèmon

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝: In the museum of your mind, you are the curator, holding the power to carefully select the thoughts, beliefs, and memories that shape your inner world. Here's a reminder that you can decide what gets in, stays, and goes. 1. 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬: Just as a curator carefully chooses artworks to enhance the beauty of an exhibition, you can deliberately choose positive thoughts to brighten your mental landscape. Focus on things that cultivate a mindset that fosters growth. 2. 𝐅𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐍𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬: Identify toxic thoughts or external influences that contribute to self-doubt or fear. You create space for a more uplifting and empowering mental environment by consciously filtering out negativity. 3. 𝐂𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲: Nurture your spiritual side as integral to your mental well-being. Whether through meditation, prayer, or listening to a sermon, fostering spirituality can provide a sense of purpose and inner peace, contributing to a balanced and resilient mind. 4. 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐉𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐌𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: The mind is a treasure trove of memories. As the curator, cherish and preserve the joyful moments. Revisit them often to evoke positive emotions, reinforcing a mindset of happiness and contentment. 5. 𝐋𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐆𝐨 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐬𝐭: Like outdated exhibits, let go of past grievances, regrets, or self-limiting beliefs. Keep yourself fresh by embracing the present and future with an open mind. Remember, your mind is your sanctuary, and you hold the curator's brush to create a mental masterpiece reflecting the life you aspire to lead. "𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘥, 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥, 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘪𝘵." - Prov. 4:23 "𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯." - Arnold Bennett Fred Toke

DO YOU PREFER TO GO WITH THE FLOW, AGAINST THE FLOW OR CREATE YOUR OWN FLOW? While most of us know what we mean by going with the flow (to do what other people are doing or to agree with other people because it is the easiest thing to do) or going against the flow (to do or say the opposite of what most people are doing or saying), do we understand what creating our own flow means? To do so we will have to first understand the special meaning attached to the word 'flow' by Mihaly Robert Csikszentmihalyi. He defined flow as "the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it." Oh yes, we all have this feeling at times, characterized by a feeling of great absorption, engagement, fulfillment, and skill—and during which temporal concerns are typically ignored. The experience of flow is universal and occurs across all classes, genders, ages, and cultures, and it can be experienced during many types of activities. After the breakout success of his 1990 book, “Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience", Csikszentmihalyi became a public figure and “flow” a part of popular and political culture. Csikszentmihalyi wrote a series of follow-up books to “Flow,” including one focused on the business world. "The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times . . . The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile." “We can’t afford to become trapped within ourselves, our jobs, and religions, and lose sight of the entire tapestry of life. When the self loses itself in a transcendent purpose — whether to write great poetry, craft beautiful furniture, understand the motions of galaxies, or help children be happier — the self becomes largely invulnerable to the fears and setbacks of ordinary existence." Remembering Mihaly Robert Csikszentmihalyi (29 September 1934 – 20 October 2021) on his Birth Anniversary