Texas Rep. Byron Cook Orders Arrest of All House Members for “Rules Violations”
David Watts Jr medium.com
Just days after ordering the forcible removal and arrest of citizen activist Amy Hedtke for using her iPhone to record the proceedings of the Texas House State Affairs Committee in what Rep. Byron…
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Medium
From the Capitol Bureau headquarters of the Austin-Satirical Times.

March 24, 2017

Just days after ordering the forcible removal and arrest of citizen activist Amy Hedtke for using her iPhone to record the proceedings of the Texas House State Affairs Committee in what Rep. Byron Cook (R-Corsicana) claims was a violation of “House Rules,” Rep. Cook has ordered the arrest of all Texas House members, himself included.

The stunning development in a swiftly-changing story came after major media outlets broke the news that the CIA has built-in wire-tap abilities in “factory-fresh iPhones.”

In a hastily-organized news conference this morning, Rep. Cook explained the imminent threat to House Rules. “With the revelation that all iPhones can record conversations at all times, we must assume that all members of the Texas House are guilty of this violation of critically important House Rules banning the recording of my committee meetings. Accordingly, I have ordered the arrest of all Texas House members, myself included.”

When questioned about the fact that Texas law appears to guarantee a right to record such proceedings, Rep. Cook pounded his fist on the podium and explained, “These are the rules of the Texas House. Texas House Rules supersede state law, federal law, and certainly the Constitution itself. I believe in the rule of law, but most important, I believe in the rule of the Texas House Rules.”

Rep. Cook further explained, “In fact, I apply these rules to myself without exception, and in a few moments, I too will be hand-cuffed, dragged by my arms, and taken to the Travis County jail.”

A few moments later, reporters captured the moment Capitol Police confronted Rep. Cook about his surreptitious recording of State Affairs hearings, handcuffed him, and forced him into the back of a waiting police car.

Lt. John G. Houser, Public Affairs officer for the Capitol Police later spoke about the unusual order by Rep. Cook. “Our job is just to follow orders. If Rep. Cook orders us to remove somebody, we remove them. Remember, we have sworn an oath to uphold, protect, and defend Texas House Rules at all cost.”

In a related development, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un expressed admiration for the “efficiency and decisiveness” shown by Rep. Cook in dealing with the “extremist and anti-statist rebellion by those who would illegally video government proceedings and sow seeds of insurrection against the State.”

Kim Jong-Un did not respond to requests for additional comments by time of publication.