'Dad was messed up, but I forgive him'
culture
Our Foreign Staff Benedict Smith Gwyn Wright Uche Amako Chris Bascombe Caroline Goodhart
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The Telegraph
There are no family portraits on display in Patrick Moore's run-down apartment. The only memento is an old keyboard in the centre of the living room that used to belong to his father. "When he was playing this, he was happy," Patrick recalls.

Even by the standards of this run-down, graffiti-covered neighbourhood, the one-room rented flat in Harlem is a mess. Empty milk cartons and discarded prescription bottles litter the floor. Yet this bedsit in a no-go area of New York is home to the eldest child of one of Britain's most beloved comic actors and musicians.

As the son of Dudley Moore and Sixties actress Tuesday Weld, Patrick Moore ought to be a big name in Hollywood. Instead, two years after his father's death, he is struggling to pursue a career as a musician while living on a modest allowance from his father's £5 million estate. Yet even having a roof over his head is a step up for Patrick. Just months before Dudley, 66, succumbed to progressive supranuclear palsy (PSP), a crippling brain disease that dogged his last years and left him unable to walk or speak, Patrick was homeless in California. "I started sleeping on the beach near my dad's old house in Marina Del Rey," he says. "It was the place that had given me my only happy childhood memories."

Speaking publicly for the first time, Patrick, 28, says that his father's death was the jolt that he needed to attempt to get his life back on track. "There have been times when I have found it very embarrassing to admit that both my parents were movie stars," he says. "Growing up, I always had a lot of money and privilege, but I was a lonely kid and neither of my parents were around much. They were busy with their own problems, so I was abandoned and left pretty much to fend for myself. I took drugs to try and numb that pain."

Patrick is a shy young man, who has inherited his father's soulful brown eyes and impish smile. But at 6ft, he easily towered over the 5ft 2in comic. For an insecure man like Dudley, who had been born with a club foot, the fact that his son was so much taller was a source of embarrassment. "He felt uncomfortable about it," says Patrick. "He would flinch if I put my arm around him. He didn't like to be reminded of his size."

Considering he has lived a life marred by drug abuse and homelessness, Patrick has a boyish face that remains remarkably fresh and unscathed. His troubles can be traced back to early childhood: when he was just four, his parents split up after a short marriage. Dudley met Tuesday Weld on Broadway, where he was performing, in 1974. They married the following year in Las Vegas – and Patrick was born soon afterwards.

It was always going to be an ill-fated union. Weld, the second of Dudley's four wives, already had a reputation for wild living and an outspoken manner by the time they met. A former child star, she had attempted suicide at the age of 12.

Dudley, known for his hot temper and eye for the ladies, had endured a difficult childhood himself, scarred by his relationship with his mother and spells in hospital to correct his disability. Despite his success with Beyond the Fringe, Peter Cook and, later, as a Hollywood actor, he never managed to shake off the pain of his childhood and was plagued by depression. The couple are said to have split up 20 times during their fiery marriage, and by the time Dudley had made the jump to international stardom in the film 10 in 1980, they were divorced.

Following their separation, Patrick went to live with his mother in New York. But though the couple agreed to share custody, Patrick craved his father's love and attention. "My mother forced me to put up posters of her movies on my bedroom walls. It seemed more important to her that I see her as a movie star than as a parent. Of course, my dad had his problems, but he could be fun to be with. He would always be goofing around and pulling faces.

"I would tell him how unhappy I was with my mom – and that I wanted to come to California and live with him full-time. He would say: 'Look, I know what you're going through', but he never did anything about it. During school vacations, I would visit him at his house in Los Angeles. After a few days, he would get snappy because he didn't want me around any more. I used to perform comedy sketches and play the piano for him to try and please him. After a while, he would get impatient until he'd eventually say,'Can I go now?' He preferred to do his own thing, to shut himself away and play music."

"I began to see that my dad had a lot of problems which he never really sorted out. At that time, he was a party guy who had lived the Hollywood lifestyle too long. He had two houses, a family house and a party house, to which I was never allowed to go.

"There were a lot of unsuitable people hanging around and there were some big rows with Nicole [Rothschild, Dudley's fourth wife]. He would come out of the bedroom with his face covered in scratches. There were call girls, too, wandering in and out, but I was always told he only had them to dance for him."

It began to dawn on Patrick that there was something seriously wrong with his father's health when – while taking a drive with him – Dudley careered into the car in front for no apparent reason. It was, he now believes, one of the first signs of PSP, a Parkinson's-like illness which attacks the parts of the brain which control balance and speech.

"The last time I saw my dad, I knew something was wrong. It was as if he was drunk, but he also seemed very brittle. He told me the same thoughts kept going round in his head, like a loop. He told me:'They say there's something wrong with me, but they can't figure out what it is.' "

Dudley cut off all contact with his son – and the rejection tipped Patrick over the edge. His drug habit, which had started when he smoked pot at 18, grew steadily worse. "I had a coke phase, a speed phase and also a crack phase, which lasted four or five months," says Patrick. "I took drugs to blot out the abandonment I felt. I got involved with the wrong people."

His feelings of rejection were compounded when, on one occasion, Patrick tried to visit his father in hospital and found that Dudley had fled by the back door. "I knew he was trying to avoid me, and it hurt. I was told he didn't need the stress of seeing me, and that he didn't want me to see his deterioration.

"I called him in New Jersey, but Rena said she was worried that I only wanted to ask my dad for money for drugs. That hurt me so badly. I tried five times to talk to him, but I never got to speak to him again."

"I showered in gas station toilets. I used to go to the pharmacy where my father still held an account to buy sandwiches and soda. It all felt like a bad dream. I remember waking up one morning on a park bench in Hollywood and thinking to myself: 'My God, is this how my life is going to end?' "

Finally, Patrick was given the news that his father had died of pneumonia when he called the actor's office from a payphone. His only consolation is that a few days before his death, Dudley made a last-ditch gesture of reconciliation by trying to arrange somewhere for his son to live. But he died before he could fulfil his wish.

"I had been talking with his business manager because my dad was trying to set me up with an apartment. I think he wanted to make sure I was looked after. I asked if my dad could send some money for food. The guy said he wasn't sure, but he would check. He called back later and said: 'I'm sorry to tell you this, but your dad just passed away.' I was numb. I had no idea it was that close."

Patrick returned to New York, and had two long spells in rehab clinics in an effort to put his life back together; he now believes he has turned a corner. In two years' time, when he turns 30, he will inherit a large chunk of his father's fortune, which he will share with his younger half-brother, Nicholas, Dudley's son by Nicole Rothschild. But before then, he is determined to find a new home and to work on his music, the only pursuit that really brought his father solace.

"My dad was a messed-up guy who didn't deal with his hang-ups. But I forgive him. He just wasn't suited to the role of being a father."