Jokes, laughter, happiness and good health
Exceptionally Bad Grandad Jokes: Somewhat Similar to Dad Jokes But a Tad Worse book books book review humor jokes Spiffy McChappy affectionate torture joke collection Laughter in Appalachia: A Festival of Southern Mountain Humor laughter
Jeff Minick
As part of my gifts for Father’s Day this year, my daughter bought me a book. She apologized before handing it to me, saying “It’s really terrible and...
“Exceptionally Bad Grandad Jokes: Somewhat Similar to Dad Jokes, But a Tad Worse” (Little Book Wallah, 2023, 118 pages) made me burst out laughing as soon as I saw the title. “Well,” I told her, “you were warned.”

And the book does live up to its self-proclaimed reputation. Many of the jokes two per page in exceptionally large print, presumably because Grandpa’s eyesight has gone down the tubes, would bring groans from a stone. Here’s a small sample:

Why are the tallest people the laziest?

Because they are always longer in bed than others.

What did the buffalo’s dad say to him when he finally left for college?

Bison.

Why did Grandad put wheels on his rocking chair?

He wanted to rock and roll!

Collected by Spiffy McChappy, as silly a pseudonym as you’re likely to find, the jokes are mildly amusing, but I find such humor even more fun when employed as an instrument of affectionate torture aimed at adolescents. Unleash one of these pebbles from a slingshot, and Grandpa is instantly rewarded with eye-rolling and agonized moans.

Collections of jokes are nothing new. The oldest surviving joke book, “Philogelos,” or “Laughter-Lover,” comes from the fifth century A.D. One example from that text provides a joke I’ve actually heard older comedians modernize and then use: “Asked by his court barber how he would like his hair cut, the king replied, “In silence.”

The first printed joke book, compiled by Poggio Bracciolini, appeared in 1470, and became known as “the most famous joke book of the Renaissance.” Like much humor of the period, the humor here is often scatological or obscene. Jests and jokes also take center stage in works by writers like Chaucer and Shakespeare.

Other than vaudeville comedians, one of the better-known venues for jokes a century ago was Wilford Hamilton Fawcett’s magazine “Captain Billy’s Whiz Bang,” which was mentioned in the musical, “The Music Man.” Here the jokes touched on the times, including the newly initiated policy of Prohibition: “It used to be wine, women, and song, but now it is near-beer, your own wife and community singing.” Not exactly a rib-tickler, but such fare delighted some in its day while offending the more-sober minded.

Though most people will laugh at a comedian in a clip on YouTube or on some television special, some of my family members and friends never tell jokes, whereas others enjoy both telling and hearing them. Among my personal favorites are jests and funny stories having to do with religion or heaven. “It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it,” wrote G.K. Chesterton, and I couldn’t agree more. Taken long ago from a source I’ve long forgotten, here’s one such jest from my own bag of whiz bangs:

Fred Watkins dies, approaches the Pearly Gates and finds St. Peter seated at a desk with his Golden Book of Names before him. He finds Fred’s name in the book, looks at him, and says, “I’m afraid you don’t have many good deeds in your favor, Mr. Watkins. Can you think of anything else I might add to my list?”

Fred thinks a moment, then his face brightens. “Once I was driving along in my pickup when I saw this motorcycle gang surrounding a young woman on the side of the highway. I could tell right away what they were up to, so I pulled over, jumped out, grabbed the tire iron from the bed of my truck, ran over to those guys, and said, ‘If any one of you touches a hair of that girl’s head, you’re gonna have to deal with me.”

St. Peter’s eyes lit up. “Fred,” he said, “that was mighty impressive. Let me add it to your list. When exactly did this happen?”

“Oh, about ten minutes ago.”

I also get a charge out of wit and humor delivered by historic figures. Here’s one such tale from our own Blue Ridge backyard, recounted by Loyal Jones and Billy Edd Wheeler in their book, “Laughter in Appalachia: A Festival of Southern Mountain Humor.” I’ve misplaced that volume, but I can paraphrase this brief story.

Zebulon Vance of Weaverville, once governor and then U.S. senator from North Carolina, was known for his common sense and earthy humor. One day a woman, fired up by some political cause, spoke heatedly to Vance about her opposition to his stance on this issue and promised to fight him to the bitter end in whatever way possible. “In short, Governor,” she said, “I intend to give you tit for tat.”

“Tat,” the governor replied.

Laughter, goes the old adage, is the best medicine, and most of us, I suspect, could use a good dose of that tonic. From “The Oxford Book of Humorous Quotations” to “Knock Knock Jokes and Silly Stories for Kids,” everyone from age three to 100 can find this prescription for a healthy heart and mind in your local library or bookshop.

Enjoy.